Mom guilt is real.

Where we have a lot of conversations and sing-a-longs.
It was a simple question - "Does he stack blocks?" Followed by "Do you play blocks together?". We were at his 15 month check up at the pediatrician's office. I gulped. "I don't know." And then I proceeded to back pedal in a "I really do pay attention to my child" kind of way and offer up that he loves knocking them down but he hasn't really played with blocks much lately at home. And that's all true. They're out in a basket, free for the taking but he's been far more interested in his play kitchen, trucks, books, and tool bench over the last couple of months. What's also true is that we really don't have that much time together, and the time that we do have, on week nights anyway, is filled with cooking, eating dinner, unpacking and repacking the days' bags, bath time, bedtime, etc. Weekends are different and I cherish them, but we're still much busier than I would like. With two parents who work full-time (plus some) outside the home, it's a reality that we only see our kid about 2.5 hours every weekday. It makes me incredibly sad just doing that calculation.

But this was our choice. And I love my job; I really really do. And I love his child care provider; I really really do. And I love being a mom more than anything. Still, I couldn't help but feel that twinge of guilt when the doctor asked about the blocks, that maybe I'm not "in it" enough. Maybe I'm not making the most of the small bits of time we do have together. And that possibility breaks my heart.

I'm really looking forward to spending several days with him over the next couple of weeks while child care is closed for vacation. I feel like we need those days to reconnect and I'm promising myself to make them meaningful... not full of errands and plans, but full of time, fun, snuggling, and play together.

So yes, the mom guilt is real. And for the record, I discovered he does stack blocks.... Like a pro.

 

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About

Sarah Jerger
Burlington, Vermont
Mom, wife, professional, grad student + maker of things
On a journey to live a creatively-filled and fueled life.
Lover of craft, art, slowing down + all things birth

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